Interview With The Founders - Part 2

Part 2 in our long awaited Interview With The Founders series sees us talk to the matriarch of the Escape Asylum flock. She calls herself Selina, awkward in her mannerisms, pale in complexion and with the build of a Russian shot-putter she orders a cup of vodka and takes a seat.
A real people person she feels most comfortable when surrounded by people she doesn't know, effortlessly switching from topic to topic with her vast array of conversational skills she really could be described as a social butterfly. With the ever expanding flock of the Escape Asylum team tucked carefully under her bingo wings she has predicted great things for herself.

Leaning forward intently, she lets out a sigh, reaches for her cup and takes a single sip as she recounts her childhood, a harrowing tale which would surely be a Hollywood blockbuster, it was a far cry from Dan's opulent upbringing.

Growing up in the World's largest council estate, South Oxhey, which featured on a BBC documentary about broken Britain, complete with rough sleepers, closed down shops, boarded up windows, graffiti, teenage pregnancy, drug abuse, and by night the sound of gunfire and mortar blasts filled the air.

Selina was surrounded by a loving family indoors but once she crossed the threshold outside life took a far more serious and sinister twist. Bad influences were everywhere she looked, drugs, theft, prostitution, and kidnap to name but a few, everyday was a constant battle for her to stay on the right path, how she managed to keep her dignity could remain a mystery forever but her troubled stare revealed a history of secrets that were far more troubling than any decent human could begin to imagine.

She did confess that to fight the endless barrage of peer pressure she had to carefully pick what company to keep, admitting that she could count her friends on one finger. Tragic.

Sadly addiction did form part of Selina's years as a young adult, managing to avoid the Class A's through much of her adolescents the tight grip finally got hold of her.  She developed an addiction to qualifications, booking herself in to numerous courses she racked up a filing cabinet worth of certificates, listing physiotherapist, bouncer, accountant, painter & decorator, pole dancer, world's best daughter, and electrician, she used to sneak out at night to attend evening school to chase her dream of becoming a level 2 dog walker.  She began training to be a doctor but gave up a couple of months in to the course when she realised she could save people's lives merely by jumping on manhole covers and touching light switches 5 times.

After a string of jobs ending in a customer service role at a popular shopping centre baguette shop Selina decided she was going to break free from the shackles, she sold her beloved BMW M3 and told her family she was wouldn't be back til she had made a million.

A smile beams from her face as she describes the "Glory Years" of her life, purchasing a burger van and finding a prime pitch in a secluded St Albans Travis Perkins she threw herself in at the deep end, frozen meats, food poisoning, missing cash and the persistent smell of grease were all part of the experience, an experience which didn't last very long as her short attention span kicked in again. Was her heart ever really in it I hear you ask, some say she really wanted to become the next burger millionaire, cynics say she wanted an excuse to get a level 3 food hygiene certificate. You be the judge.

Bursting on to the property ladder at the tender age of 21, she finished her time machine and travelled back 40 years to the popular sunny English seaside town of Margate.  Complete with a dated theme park, a museum, bingo hall, and even a bowling green it really was the ideal location. She dived in and bought herself a 3 bedroom ground floor flat in a converted asylum.
With a head full of dreams and a house full of mould she got to work refurbishing her new purchase, preparing it to a high spec in greedy anticipation of the renovation of Margate which promised a high speed rail to London, a new shopping centre, and according to rumours the first resident under 30, it was sure to add a zero to the value of any property.

After a string of questionable tenants and broken promises regarding Margate becoming the new Singapore, Selina decided to sell up and get the hell out of there before Margate was declared uninhabitable.
This had an adverse affect on Selina's life and could be the root of her trust issues, issues that have made her a keen conspiracy theorist. A subscriber to InfoWars she has an Alex Jones background on her phone. With a list of theories as long as a cruise ship it gives off the impression of someone deep in paranoia, she goes into a rant screaming buzzwords at the top of her voice about the "Hidden Hand" "Rothschilds""The flag was blowing in the wind "Controlled demolition""Henri Paul didn't even drink" "You want me to believe he took all those guns to the 32nd floor without being noticed ""Only a patriot like Farage can save us" until a David Icke ticket falls from her pocket, it doesn't surprise me to see that she has booked in to see him at his homecoming gig in Leicester.

Having an Italian grandfather has given Selina an unhealthy obsession with her heritage, she recently offered up her DNA to Ancestry.co.uk in a desperate attempt to prove to anyone that would listen that she is indeed Italian.  The results were surprising to her but not to others, a high percentage of German and a large portion of Eastern Europe, she clings to the fact the shading overlaps a tiny portion of Italy. The biggest surprise came from a rather large 28% of her DNA being of African heritage, this may help explain the uncertainty over Selina's exact age.

During 2018 Selina will be mainly situated in the Leicester region as she focuses on the opening of a new project, Spirits Bar, which will bring a much needed dose of life to Leicester as it slips precariously close to becoming the new Margate.

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